I was adopted at the age of 5 weeks old, and about two years ago, I found my biological mother. What I thought would bring clarity and closure instead brought complexity, confusion, and a relationship that has been anything but easy to navigate. It has stretched me in ways I didn’t expect, and at times, it has left me questioning what God was doing in allowing this door to open in the first place.
But as time has passed, I’ve begun to see something I couldn’t see at the beginning.
God doesn’t always reveal His purposes in the moment. In fact, most of the time, He doesn’t. We walk through situations thinking we understand what we’re stepping into, only to realize later that what we thought was the point...wasn’t the point at all.
I thought finding my biological mother would be about her, but it wasn’t.
It was about my mom.
It was about God showing me—in a way I had never seen so clearly before—that He had been orchestrating every detail of my life long before I ever understood it. It was about Him pulling back the curtain just enough for me to see that nothing about my life has been by chance.
In Psalm 139:13–14, David writes, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb...I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” That truth has always been comforting, but I don’t think I fully grasped it until recently. God didn’t just create me—He placed me exactly where I was meant to be.
I may not have grown in my mom’s belly, but I grew in her heart and her home. I grew under her care, her discipline, her love, and her prayers. She was the one who showed up for every moment that mattered. She was the one who wiped my tears, who put ice on my bruises, who guided me when I didn’t want to be guided, and who prayed for me when I had walked far away from God.
And those prayers mattered.
In James 5:16, we are told that “the prayer of a righteous person has great power.” I am living proof of that. There were years of my life where I was not walking with the Lord, where I was making choices that were far from what I had been taught. And yet, I was never too far gone for God to bring me back.
Looking back now, I can see that my life could have been very different. Not in a vague, hypothetical way—but in a real, tangible way. I can see what God protected me from. I can see what He provided for me. I can see how intentional He was in placing me exactly where I needed to be.
And I didn’t see any of that at the time.
That’s the part that has stayed with me the most. We spend so much time trying to understand what God is doing while we are in the middle of it. We question. We analyze. We try to make sense of things that don’t seem to fit. But so often, clarity doesn’t come until later—sometimes much later.
It’s only when we look back that we begin to see the pattern.
In Romans 8:28, we are reminded that “in all things God works for the good of those who love Him.” Not some things. Not the things that make sense—all things. Even the ones that feel confusing, painful, or unnecessary at the time.
Finding my biological mother didn’t give me the answers I thought it would, but it gave me something better. It gave me perspective. It gave me a deeper understanding of God’s sovereignty, and it gave me a renewed gratitude for the mother He chose for me. Not by accident. Not by chance. But by design.
Sometimes we don’t understand what God is doing until it’s already done, and when we finally see it, we realize He was faithful the entire time.
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