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Showing posts from February, 2021

What Single Moms Wish You Knew

It's hard being a parent. When you're a single parent, it's even harder. No one prepared me for this journey eight years ago. I never thought I would be a single parent, and I'll admit to the judgement I passed on single parents years ago. I recently started thinking about the things I wish I had known before this journey, and the things I wish my married friends knew about being a single parent. 1. If you're married, you're not a single mom. This may sound silly or petty, but please never refer to yourself as a "single mom" when your husband is out of town or works late. I get it. Your husband may travel a lot for work—he may be out of town for weeks at a time. Just because you are home alone with the children for a couple nights or weeks at a time, it doesn't make you a single mom. I understand how hard it is doing it alone—I've done it alone for years. But calling yourself a "single mom" when you have your husband's financi

Silence Speaks Volumes

"You're not a good person or being a good mother," read the text from my ex-husband. Hundreds more libelous statements have spewed from his mouth and fingertips in the eight years we have been divorced—to my children, to my children's teachers and principals, to my parents, to my employer, to anyone who will listen. He knows just where to cut me down to get a response from me, and this particular time, I lost. I responded to him out of hurt and anger. I know I'm a great mom, and I'm a pretty fantastic person, too. But I let his words get to me, because I wanted to prove to him that I am not the things he accuses me of. I didn't stick to the silence method I've used so many times before. In psychology, the "Gray Rock Method" is a conflict resolution/de-escalation tactic where you basically make your personality and responses as interesting as a gray rock. You reply in monotone, with usually monosyllabic responses: "Yes." "No

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Jesus Would Advocate for Civil Disobedience

In March, executive orders from governors across the country forced us to stay home, to close schools and churches and to shut down private businesses. Businesses were classified as either "essential" or "non-essential." All businesses deemed "non-essential" were forced to close. This included markets, clothing stores, boutiques, dine-in restaurants, and beauty salons. State parks, city parks, beaches, walking trails, lakes, and other wide open spaces were closed as well. Many people feel that the "social distancing," as it has come to be known, and stay at home executive orders violate their constitutional rights, such as our first amendment right to freely exercise our religion, our right to peaceably assemble, and that we shall not be deprived of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Some of the people who feel their rights have been violated have decided to exercise their First Amendment right to protest. Some have even chosen

Covert Red Flags: The Real Things You Should Be Looking Out For in Relationships

Your relationship with your spouse should be the closest human relationship you ever have. As we are dating, we are assessing whether or not that person could potentially fit into our inner circle. This causes us to be on high alert for red flags. Most red flags are obvious--lack of communication, anger issues, irresponsibility, controlling behavior, abuse, etc. A quick Google search will bring up list upon list of red flags we should look out for. Being rude to waitstaff, not making your relationship public, not caring about XYZ, stone walling, gaslighting, and more can all be found on most lists. But what about the covert red flags? Those things that are less obvious. My first marriage taught me to look out for the overt red flags like the ones found in every advice column. My second marriage taught me to look out for covert red flags, ones that I never even realized were red flags until I could look back. The entire time we dated, I kept looking for the overt red fla

Because of Who I Am

Someone posted on Facebook the other day the following: Why would you fight for someone who clearly doesn't want you? Please let them go. You are valuable, just not to them. I thought about it for a minute, because I indeed fought for my husband when he clearly didn't want me. I fought for our marriage, even when he had zero interest in making our marriage work. He had already checked out and told me point-blank that he just didn't want to work on our marriage, but yet I fought on my knees before the Lord. Throughout the first few months of our separation, I prayed day-in and day-out. I beseeched the Lord to intercede. I rebuked Satan, and I prostrated myself before the Lord God Almighty. I went to therapy, and I watched sermons online. I listened to every Jimmy Evans podcast I could find. I journaled and devoured God's Word. I wrote my husband scriptures and prayers daily. I soon filled a 100-page journal front and back. Shortly after he left in June