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Coronavirus Response by Enneagram

The Enneagram test is is a comprehensive personality test that has become wildly popular the past few years. It breaks people down into nine basic categories based on their fears, desires and motivations. If you don't know what type you are, click here for a free test, or you want to read more about each type, click here. I thought I would have a little fun with the Corona frenzy that has the world shut down right now, and I broke down the responses each personality type would have. Because, hey, what else is there to do at home? (this is for entertainment purposes only!)
1. The Moral Perfectionist Food is rationedEach family member is only allowed four squares of TP per wipeHome school desks are set up with color-coded assignment chartsAlready wrote her own lessons to teach her childrenWonders why people are just now learning how to wash their hands properly

2. The Supportive Advisor Calling grandparents and other elderly to make sure they have enough food and suppliesThe neighborhoo…

What Makes a Narcissist Miserable?

While not an expert on narcissism by any means, I have been married to two narcissists. Their personalities and how they manifested their narcissism were completely opposite one another, so it took me much longer to see the covert narcissism of husband #2. So one could say that I've been up-close-and-personal with a wide spectrum of narcissism.

I recently wrote an article about ways to spot a covert narcissist by looking for these signs. Because of that article, as well as other conversations I've had with people about narcissism, I was recently asked, "What makes a narcissist feel miserable?" So after thinking about it and praying, I came up with this list of things that would make any narcissist miserable.

1. Being alone
A narcissist feeds on the attention of others. They will always surround themselves with others who will tickle their ears and tell them what they want to hear. This is why narcissists jump from one relationship to another. Narcissists will never …

He Didn't Reject Me; He Rejected the God Inside of Me

After my husband left me in 2013, I spent a lot of time in prayer and supplication to the Lord. I wanted to know if I was making a mistake by divorcing him. I wanted clarity that I wasn't sinning by getting a divorce. Then God gave me a vision. I hesitate to call it a vision, because I know many people stumble when hearing that word--myself included. But it wasn't really a dream, either, but it came to me when I was lying in bed in a half-lucid state, so I'm not sure what else to call it.

I was in the middle of a vast body of water with both of my girls, ages 3 and 6 at the time. No life jackets, no boats in sight, and nothing to hold on to. Swimming to shore would require extraordinary effort, and at the moment, it was everything I could do to just breathe. The water lapped into my mouth and nose. I was surely going to drown, and my girls were, too. I kept trying to make sure my precious daughters were above water, but every time I lifted them up, I began to drown myself…

The Allure of Being the Other Woman

I have never understood how anyone could date someone who is married. How in the world could any woman ever be ok with being "the other woman"? Why would someone think that God would bring them someone who is already married? How could anyone ever be ok being the homewrecker?

Then I was her. 
I didn't mean to be, and I definitely didn't act on it in any way. He wasn't married, but he was in a committed relationship. The experience left an indelible mark on me, and I had a paradigm shift concerning "the other woman."
Let's back up six years to when "Bennett" and I were dating. I had met him right after my divorce was final, and he was a breath of fresh air. In all the ways my husband had failed me, Bennett encouraged me and held me up. We instantly connected, and we dated for nearly a year. We eventually broke up because he wasn't interested in ever being a step-dad. As a single mom of a 6-year-old and a 3-year-old at the time, I coul…

He Knows What's Best

"It's not fair! You don't even trust me!" My 12-year-old daughter slammed her bedroom door. I sighed heavily and slumped down on the couch. With my face in my hands, I questioned my mothering; I questioned my ability to handle a tween, and a tear started to form in the corner of my eye.

She wanted to walk home from school with her best friend to her house. She's always either ridden the bus or been picked up, and I said no. We had a fervent text battle earlier that afternoon when I told her no, and now that we were home, she wanted to punish me for telling her no.

It hadn't been a flippant answer; I had weighed the options. I thought about the route they would have to take--it crossed a major roadway with no crosswalk. I considered the time of day and weather (late afternoon and overcast). I considered the number of other children walking that route (very few). I considered the length of the route (nearly a mile and half). All in all, I did not feel comfort…

It Wasn't Supposed to be Like This, Kobe

I stood in the center circle of the hardwood floor at Reunion Arena in 1995. I closed my eyes and drank in the reality of the moment. I was about to play on the same court as the Dallas Mavericks and all the legends of the game who had come through that gym. I was going to get to send the rock through the same net, sweat in the same seats and run through the same tunnel. I was in the presence of greatness, even though the NBA players weren't physically there.

Pictures of Michael Jordan meticulously cut from Sports Illustrated plastered my closet doors in high school. A life-size poster of Jason Kidd hung behind my door. Above my bed, the 1996 Dream Team smiled at me every day. A Reggie Miller jersey was all I wanted for Christmas my junior year, and I proudly sported Charles Barkley's CB 34's when I was on the court.

Not many girls had basketball posters in their rooms. The summer before my senior year, the Lakers drafted this kid straight out of high school. I remember t…

What Kind of Plate Are You?

We use paper plates at my house. It comes down to pure laziness--I just hate doing dishes. Sometimes, we'll even use paper bowls and plastic silverware. Every now and then, the practicality of the meal requires actual dishes, so we feel fancy. A meal like steak, for instance, requires a real plate. Not only may the food slide off a paper plate, but the steak knife could cut right to the table.

In addition to being lazy, I'm also cheap, so I've bought the off-brand paper plates before. Even worse are the ones that pre-schoolers use for crafts. I'm not even sure those were actually designed to hold food--they're flimsy and everything seeps through them. I've learned to purchase name-brand paper plates to avoid dinnertime disasters. It's a little more expensive, but it's well worth it to not have food slide off the edge or seep through.

We do use real plates other times, too, though. My mom has heirloom China that we only use on holidays. Each plate has t…

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Those Words

“This just isn’t going to work out.” The dreaded words. The end. It's over. In my years of dating experience, I’ve heard Those Words several times. I’ve also said Those Words a time or two. Whatever partner is on the receiving end of Those Words is undoubtedly disappointed, hurt and saddened, but it’s a harsh reality that many relationships don’t always work out.

The majority of dating relationships end prior to walking down the aisle. But once you say, "I do," you never expect to hear Those Words ever again. But too often, it happens anyway. Families are devastated, hearts are shattered, and covenants are broken.
When you realize a dating relationship isn’t working for you, that’s when you utter Those Words or some variation of them. The thing is, though, after you say “I do,” you no longer get to say Those Words when the going gets tough--even if you feel the relationship isn't working. Every relationship has its ups and downs, marriage more than any other. That’…

Because of Who I Am

Someone posted on Facebook the other day the following:
Why would you fight for someone who clearly doesn't want you? Please let them go. You are valuable, just not to them. I thought about it for a minute, because I indeed fought for my husband when he clearly didn't want me. I fought for our marriage, even when he had zero interest in making our marriage work. He had already checked out and told me point-blank that he just didn't want to work on our marriage, but yet I fought on my knees before the Lord.

Throughout the first few months of our separation, I prayed day-in and day-out. I beseeched the Lord to intercede. I rebuked Satan, and I prostrated myself before the Lord God Almighty. I went to therapy, and I watched sermons online. I listened to every Jimmy Evans podcast I could find. I journaled and devoured God's Word. I wrote my husband scriptures and prayers daily. I soon filled a 100-page journal front and back.

Shortly after he left in June, God told me tha…

Covert Red Flags: The Real Things You Should Be Looking Out For in Relationships

Your relationship with your spouse should be the closest human relationship you ever have. As we are dating, we are assessing whether or not that person could potentially fit into our inner circle. This causes us to be on high alert for red flags. Most red flags are obvious--lack of communication, anger issues, irresponsibility, controlling behavior, abuse, etc. A quick Google search will bring up list upon list of red flags we should look out for. Being rude to waitstaff, not making your relationship public, not caring about XYZ, stone walling, gaslighting, and more can all be found on most lists.

But what about the covert red flags? Those things that are less obvious. My first marriage taught me to look out for the overt red flags like the ones found in every advice column. My second marriage taught me to look out for covert red flags, ones that I never even realized were red flags until I could look back. The entire time we dated, I kept looking for the overt red flags, and there …