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Learned Helplessness

“I don’t know how to do this,” a student tells me. “Did you read the directions?” I ask. Inevitably, I get either a shrug of the shoulders or a, “It’s confusing.” “Let’s read the directions, then,” I say. Then I walk the student through the directions, and suddenly, they know how to do it.  Or, after an assignment is given, a student will sit there and do nothing. When I ask him or her why they aren’t working, “I don’t know what to do” is the reply more times than not. Many times, after the due date of an assignment, students will tell me they didn’t do it because they didn’t know what to do or how to do it. I’ve gotten so many e-mails from parents telling me their kid doesn’t know how to do this or that. Let’s be clear here: the directions are written plainly on the assignment. Every project has step-by-step instructions, and I go over all requirements in class. It’s not a matter of “not knowing” how to do something—it’s a matter of learned helplessness, and it’s ...

Why Your Kids Shouldn't be Happy

If you search the internet for "raising happy kids," you'll find more than 140 million results including websites, books, articles, psychological studies, blogs, etc. all telling you how to raise your kids to be happy. You can spend hours reading about the latest trends, advice columns or "Top 10" lists. While much of the advice is indeed sound—less screen time, more exercise, tell them no, eat better foods, help others—the focus is askew.   "What's wrong with wanting happy kids?" you may ask. There's nothing inherently wrong with wanting happy kids. But happiness should never be your focus, because it's an outcome. You cannot achieve happiness when happiness is your goal. Instead, if you adjust your focus to being holy—worshipping the Lord, prayer and reading the Bible, serving and blessing others—happiness then becomes a byproduct of those things. And not just a fleeting feeling that makes you smile, but true happiness. I have friend...

What Single Moms Wish You Knew

It's hard being a parent. When you're a single parent, it's even harder. No one prepared me for this journey eight years ago. I never thought I would be a single parent, and I'll admit to the judgement I passed on single parents years ago. I recently started thinking about the things I wish I had known before this journey, and the things I wish my married friends knew about being a single parent. 1. If you're married, you're not a single mom. This may sound silly or petty, but please never refer to yourself as a "single mom" when your husband is out of town or works late. I get it. Your husband may travel a lot for work—he may be out of town for weeks at a time. Just because you are home alone with the children for a couple nights or weeks at a time, it doesn't make you a single mom. I understand how hard it is doing it alone—I've done it alone for years. But calling yourself a "single mom" when you have your husband's financi...

He Knows What's Best

"It's not fair! You don't even trust me!" My 12-year-old daughter slammed her bedroom door. I sighed heavily and slumped down on the couch. With my face in my hands, I questioned my mothering; I questioned my ability to handle a tween, and a tear started to form in the corner of my eye. She wanted to walk home from school with her best friend to her house. She's always either ridden the bus or been picked up, and I said no. We had a fervent text battle earlier that afternoon when I told her no, and now that we were home, she wanted to punish me for telling her no. It hadn't been a flippant answer; I had weighed the options. I thought about the route they would have to take—it crossed a major roadway with no crosswalk. I considered the time of day and weather (late afternoon and overcast). I considered the number of other children walking that route (very few). I considered the length of the route (nearly a mile and half). All in all, I did not feel ...

Lies From the Devil We Have to Stop Telling our Daughters

For some time now, I have been asking the Lord about some roots that have taken place in my life. I've been trying to figure out why I behave in certain ways, and why I think the way I think. Some of those roots are quite unhealthy, namely my not-so-stellar track record in the dating/relationship department. All of the men I have been in serious relationships with have had one thing in common. They would tell me they loved me, cared about me, didn't want to hurt me, etc., but then they would act in ways that were definitely not loving, and sometimes not even kind. I stuck around in each relationship far beyond what any emotionally healthy person would or should. I would get hurt by their actions, confront them, then they would apologize, profess their love, and we would make up. I believed their words, and I refused to believe their actions. Obviously, I was the common denominator in these relationships, but in the two years since my divorce, I've been searching fo...

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Jesus Would Advocate for Civil Disobedience

In March, executive orders from governors across the country forced us to stay home, to close schools and churches and to shut down private businesses. Businesses were classified as either "essential" or "non-essential." All businesses deemed "non-essential" were forced to close. This included markets, clothing stores, boutiques, dine-in restaurants, and beauty salons. State parks, city parks, beaches, walking trails, lakes, and other wide open spaces were closed as well. Many people feel that the "social distancing," as it has come to be known, and stay at home executive orders violate their constitutional rights, such as our First Amendment right to freely exercise our religion, our right to peaceably assemble, and that we shall not be deprived of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Some of the people who feel their rights have been violated have decided to exercise their First Amendment right to protest. Some have even chosen...

Covert Red Flags: The Real Things You Should Be Looking Out For in Relationships

Your relationship with your spouse should be the closest human relationship you ever have. As we are dating, we are assessing whether or not that person could potentially fit into our inner circle. This causes us to be on high alert for red flags. Most red flags are obvious—lack of communication, anger issues, irresponsibility, controlling behavior, abuse, etc. A quick Google search will bring up list upon list of red flags we should look out for. Being rude to waitstaff, not making your relationship public, not caring about XYZ, stone walling, gaslighting, and more can all be found on most lists. But what about the covert red flags? Those things that are less obvious. My first marriage taught me to look out for the overt red flags like the ones found in every advice column. My second marriage taught me to look out for covert red flags, ones that I never even realized were red flags until I could look back. The entire time we dated, I kept looking for the overt red flag...

The Church

My pastor fell. He fell hard.  He fell in the most public way possible, and what makes it worse is that he actually committed the crimes he's accused of. My heart has been broken for months about it, and it's taken me that amount of time to write this whole article.  He was indicted last week, and he turned himself in to Oklahoma authorities today. I’ve already seen at least 7 articles about the story posted just today.  I started attending Gateway Church in 2007. From the moment I stepped foot on their Southlake Campus, it was home. The worship was moving, and every sermon—whether it was Senior Pastor Robert Morris, Preston Morrison, Tim Ross, Tom Lane, or any guest speaker—spoke directly to my heart. I took voracious notes each week. I have volumes of sermon notes on my bookcase in my bedroom. Soon after joining the church, Gateway started expanding to satellite campuses. The NRH Campus opened, which was much closer to our home, so we started attending this campus,...