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The Hope Cycle

Having to co-parent with a narcissist is a rollercoaster. When the times are good, we can talk about our children, agree on decisions and even talk at the children's school activities. When the times are bad, I receive disparaging text messages telling me how horrible I am, I get called names, yelled at in public, slandered on social media and e-mails sent to my bosses at work. For years, I had the hope that we would be able to get along and that he would change—that he would be changed by God. God can change people. God can do anything. Matthew 19:26 tells us that, "with God, all things are possible." The means He can even heal narcissists. But sometimes, when you’re the spouse of a narcissist (or you have to co-parent with one), especially as a Christian, you feel that Jesus may have been lying when He told this to the disciples. You're on a rollercoaster of emotions—you pray and hope and pray and hope and see no change. You’re devastated all over again, because

A New Creation

Not too far from my house, a Chick-Fil-A closed down their location and re-opened down the street in an old Applebee's. They took several months to remodel the Applebee's to become a large, brand-new Chick-Fil-A. It has a double drive-thru with a sliding glass door for employees to easily access the cars in line. The transformation from a casual dining restaurant to a fast food restaurant is nothing short of remarkable. There is nothing in or on that building that would suggest it was ever anything but a CFA.  It made me think about how we are to become new creations in Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:17 tells us "Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creation. Old things have passed away, and behold all things are made new." Just as that Applebee's in no longer an Applebee's, we are no longer our old selves. We are a brand-new Chick-Fil-A.  We also don't get to hold on to the old signage. How confusing would it be if the new CFA still had an Applebe

Yahweh

Yahweh, Breath of God.   At the end of July, my girls and I went with my sister and two of her kids to the Frio River in southeast Texas to camp and float the river. Floating the river is a long-standing Texas tradition. You get in an innertube and just let the river current take you downstream. You pack food and drinks for the day, and you just bask in the sun and float away. After a few days of hot sun and cool water, we were packing up to go home. My 16-year-old daughter and I were hitching the trailer to my Tahoe, and I wasn’t paying enough attention to what we were doing. My right index finger got caught, and I couldn’t move it. My daughter tried her hardest to help, but I couldn’t communicate in anything but screams. I made a movement with my left hand to move the trailer. In her effort to free me, she pushed when I needed her to pull. The end result was half of my fingertip being severed off. Through cussing and screaming, I immediately found paper towels to wrap around my f

Popular Posts

Jesus Would Advocate for Civil Disobedience

In March, executive orders from governors across the country forced us to stay home, to close schools and churches and to shut down private businesses. Businesses were classified as either "essential" or "non-essential." All businesses deemed "non-essential" were forced to close. This included markets, clothing stores, boutiques, dine-in restaurants, and beauty salons. State parks, city parks, beaches, walking trails, lakes, and other wide open spaces were closed as well. Many people feel that the "social distancing," as it has come to be known, and stay at home executive orders violate their constitutional rights, such as our First Amendment right to freely exercise our religion, our right to peaceably assemble, and that we shall not be deprived of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Some of the people who feel their rights have been violated have decided to exercise their First Amendment right to protest. Some have even chosen

Covert Red Flags: The Real Things You Should Be Looking Out For in Relationships

Your relationship with your spouse should be the closest human relationship you ever have. As we are dating, we are assessing whether or not that person could potentially fit into our inner circle. This causes us to be on high alert for red flags. Most red flags are obvious--lack of communication, anger issues, irresponsibility, controlling behavior, abuse, etc. A quick Google search will bring up list upon list of red flags we should look out for. Being rude to waitstaff, not making your relationship public, not caring about XYZ, stone walling, gaslighting, and more can all be found on most lists. But what about the covert red flags? Those things that are less obvious. My first marriage taught me to look out for the overt red flags like the ones found in every advice column. My second marriage taught me to look out for covert red flags, ones that I never even realized were red flags until I could look back. The entire time we dated, I kept looking for the overt red fla

Because of Who I Am

Someone posted on Facebook the other day the following: Why would you fight for someone who clearly doesn't want you? Please let them go. You are valuable, just not to them. I thought about it for a minute, because I indeed fought for my husband when he clearly didn't want me. I fought for our marriage, even when he had zero interest in making our marriage work. He had already checked out and told me point-blank that he just didn't want to work on our marriage, but yet I fought on my knees before the Lord. Throughout the first few months of our separation, I prayed day-in and day-out. I beseeched the Lord to intercede. I rebuked Satan, and I prostrated myself before the Lord God Almighty. I went to therapy, and I watched sermons online. I listened to every Jimmy Evans podcast I could find. I journaled and devoured God's Word. I wrote my husband scriptures and prayers daily. I soon filled a 100-page journal front and back. Shortly after he left in June