Learned Helplessness

“I don’t know how to do this,” a student tells me.

“Did you read the directions?” I ask.

Inevitably, I get either a shrug of the shoulders or a, “It’s confusing.”

“Let’s read the directions, then,” I say. Then I walk the student through the directions, and suddenly, they know how to do it. 

Or, after an assignment is given, a student will sit there and do nothing. When I ask him or her why they aren’t working, “I don’t know what to do” is the reply more times than not.

Many times, after the due date of an assignment, students will tell me they didn’t do it because they didn’t know what to do or how to do it. I’ve gotten so many e-mails from parents telling me their kid don’t know how to do this or that.

Let’s be clear here: the directions are written plainly on the assignment. Every project has step-by-step instructions, and I go over all requirements in class. It’s not a matter of “not knowing” how to do something—it’s a matter of learned helplessness, and it’s quickly becoming an epidemic in young people.

As I watch and observe these students, I see that the issue is not actual inability. The issue is that this kind of helplessness has become learned behavior. When someone continually avoids responsibility, and another person repeatedly steps in to rescue them, a pattern begins to form. The child learns that if they wait long enough, act confused enough, complain enough, or avoid the task long enough, eventually someone else will carry the burden for them. Over time, initiative disappears, problem-solving weakens, and responsibility begins to feel optional.

And unfortunately, our culture increasingly reinforces this mindset. Parents step in to rescue children from grades, consequences, discomfort, conflict, and responsibility. Teachers lower expectations. Schools remove accountability. Employers constantly complain that young adults entering the workforce cannot problem-solve independently, take initiative, or complete basic tasks without constant supervision.

Many young people have been taught to immediately seek help before first attempting to think critically. They struggle through difficulty or can't solve problems on their own. The moment something feels difficult, confusing, uncomfortable, or inconvenient, they stop. Someone else is expected to step in and fix it. 

Learned helplessness has become such an issue that memes have been made about it. I saw one where a person was in water, and from above, it looked like they were drowning. Desperately crying for help to be rescued, all they needed to do was stand up and take themselves out of the water. They were looking for someone else to rescue them instead of taking responsibility and getting themselves out of the quagmire.

Scripture consistently pushes people toward responsibility, diligence, wisdom, and action—not passivity. One of the clearest examples of this appears throughout Proverbs in its warnings against laziness and slothfulness. Proverbs 26:13 says, “The sluggard says, ‘There is a lion in the road! There is a lion in the streets!’” The picture is almost humorous. The lazy person exaggerates obstacles in order to avoid responsibility. There is always a reason something cannot be done. The task is too hard. The situation is too difficult. The effort is too much.

That sounds very familiar today: 

“I don’t know how.”

“It’s confusing.”

“You didn’t explain it.”

“Nobody told me.”

“I forgot.”

The issue is often not inability—it’s avoidance.

Even before sin entered the world, Adam was given responsibility. He was told to work and steward the garden. Responsibility was part of God’s design for humanity from the very beginning. Throughout Scripture, maturity is consistently connected to discipline, wisdom, endurance, self-control, and diligence. Christian maturity is not passive.

This doesn’t mean people never need help—of course they do. There are times when people genuinely need guidance, teaching, compassion, patience, and support. But there is a difference between helping someone and enabling helplessness. One teaches responsibility; the other teaches dependence.

And one of the worst things we can do to children is continually remove from them the very responsibilities that would teach them competence, resilience, confidence, and maturity. Because eventually, helplessness stops becoming a behavior and starts becoming an identity. People begin believing they are incapable of doing hard things simply because they have rarely been required to try.

Related Posts: Taking Accountability, Preparing You for the Path and Why Your Kids Shouldn't be Happy