Broken Pitchers

My absolute favorite thing about teaching high school students is when I get to have real, genuine conversations with my students. Today, my students took their state exams, so at the end of the day, I put on a movie, and I let the kids talk, hang out, and relax a little. 

A boy who sits near my desk was finishing some of his late work, and I overheard him talking to another boy about this girl he's been talking to. After a particularly funny comment one of them made, I looked over at them with wide eyes and asked if he had gotten in trouble with his mom for what he said. One thing led to another, and we started talking about relationships. 

This boy conveyed that he didn't want to put his all into a relationship with this girl, because he was afraid if he put his everything in, what if she broke his heart? A wise thought from a 16-year-old boy. 

It got me thinking about relationships, brokenness, and how important it is to put God at the center of every relationship. 

I expressed to the boys, that sometimes the person we want to love is broken, and it doesn't matter how much of ourselves we pour into that person, it will never be enough. Imagine a broken pitcher of water. I can keep pouring in water, but it will just seep out of the cracks. In the same way, I can pour all the love, time, energy, and emotions into relationship—but if the other person is broken, all of that effort will just leak out. 

The problem is, most of us don’t recognize the cracks right away. When we care about someone, we tend to believe that if we just love them enough, give enough, show up enough, then eventually something will change. We convince ourselves that consistency will fix what is broken, that patience will heal what is wounded, and that our effort will somehow be enough to fill what is lacking. 

But brokenness doesn’t work that way. 

When something is cracked, it doesn’t matter how much you pour into it. The issue is not the amount being poured in; it’s the condition of the vessel receiving it. And when we try to build a relationship on our own effort, without God at the center, we eventually find ourselves exhausted, confused, and often hurt, wondering why everything we gave never seemed to stay. 

Scripture gives us a clear picture of where love is meant to come from. In 1 John 4:19, we are told, “We love because He first loved us.” Love is not something we manufacture on our own; it is something that flows from God. When a person is disconnected from Him, they are trying to give something they are not being filled with, and that will always lead to emptiness. 

That doesn’t mean people are beyond hope. It means they need the right source. 

In John 15:5, Jesus says, “I am the vine; you are the branches… apart from me you can do nothing.” That includes relationships. When God is not at the center, there is no true source of life sustaining what is being built. You may have moments that feel good, but there is nothing holding it together long term. 

This is why putting God at the center of a relationship is not just a nice idea—it is essential. When both people are rooted in Christ, they are not depending on each other to be the source. They are both drawing from something greater. Instead of two empty or broken vessels trying to fill each other, you have two people being filled by God and then pouring out what they have received. 

And that changes everything. 

It also changes how we approach relationships in the first place. That 16-year-old boy was wise to recognize the risk of giving his whole heart to someone who may not be able to handle it. The world often tells us to “give your all” and “follow your heart,” but Scripture calls us to something more discerning. In Proverbs 4:23, we are told, “Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.” Guarding your heart does not mean withholding love; it means being wise about where and how you give it. 

Not every person is in a place to receive what you have to offer, and no amount of effort can fix that. 

At the end of the day, relationships are not meant to complete us. They are meant to reflect something greater. When we try to make another person our source of fulfillment, we place a weight on them they were never meant to carry. Only God can fill what is empty, heal what is broken, and restore what is lacking. And above all, we remember that no relationship will ever work the way it is supposed to unless God is the one holding it together.