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Dating Advice

A friend recently asked me to give her some sage words of advice about dating. Not sure why she asked me, considering I have no idea how to make a relationship actually work, but these are the things I put together for her. I've done a lot of reading, healing, praying and writing over the years, and these are some of the things I've learned. I've written on some of these topics before, so I've included some hyperlinks to more in-depth articles. 
  • I chose several years ago to never use the word “rejected.” The negative connotation bothered me. I am not rejected; I will never be rejected. Christ took my rejection on the cross. Someone may choose to not continue dating me (or to be married to me), but I refuse to take that word on as part of my identity.

  • A woman’s greatest need is love—she wants to feel desired, taken care of and put first. A man’s greatest need is respect—to feel honored, listened to and allowed to lead. If both partners do this for each other willingly, as God designed, then is a recipe for success. It’s not that hard. 

  • When someone hurts you, you have a choice to either take it personally, or to realize they hurt you because they are hurting in some way, too. It’s your choice. It doesn’t make the pain go away, but it makes it easier to forgive them, move on and heal

  • Take the time to heal. Really heal. Cry in the shower. Break down in your car. Listen to the sad songs. Allow yourself to heal. When we hurt ourselves physically, we understand that there will be pain. We know that we need to go see a doctor and get stitches, bones set, or we may even need surgery. We understand that there is a healing process we must undertake to make our bodies whole again. Why do we think it’s any different when dealing with emotional pain? The bottom line is that when we get hurt, it hurts even more to be healed. We have to be willing to feel the secondary hurt in order to heal. If we face our emotional pain in the same way we face our physical pain, imagine the healing that could take place.

  • Don’t ever be ashamed or regretful of loving the wrong person or not being loved in return. You love because that’s who you ARE. If you love fiercely, love fiercely. Be unapologetic about it. Unconditional love is about giving love—not receiving it. Jesus knew Judas was about to betray Him, and He still washed Judas' feet. Keep loving and keep giving no matter what. Just like a Jeep wave: you don’t wave to get a wave back. You wave because that’s the kind of Jeeper you are. Keep loving people. 

  • Men and women usually end up in arguments because each gender expects the other to respond to situations in the same manner they do. When men and women are able to appreciate each other’s perspectives and not label them as “emotional” or “stupid” or any other negative words, men and women will be able to eliminate a lot of arguments. Look at situations from the other person's perspective

  • You may be the most delicious grape in the whole bunch. But that person you like may just not like grapes—he may be totally into oranges. Don’t try to make yourself into an orange—realize that some people just don’t like grapes and find someone who does love grapes. 

  • We are the sum of everything that has happened to us. But we have a choice of how we respond to the things that happen to us. We can choose to be the victim, or we can choose to be a victor. I can’t control what happens to me, but how powerful is the thought that I can indeed control my responses?

  • Screw happiness. Stop looking for someone who “makes you happy.” No one can “make you happy.” Relationships are about getting through the everyday days, the sad days, the tough days, the messy days. Happiness isn’t the goal: it’s the result of making it through those days together. 

  • Not everyone is going to see your worth. Some don’t even want to see it. Stop trying so hard to get people to see that you’re a winning lottery ticket when they are willing to just drop you on the sidewalk. 


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