Skip to main content

He Didn't Reject Me; He Rejected the God Inside of Me

After my husband left me in 2013, I spent a lot of time in prayer and supplication to the Lord. I wanted to know if I was making a mistake by divorcing him. I wanted clarity that I wasn't sinning by getting a divorce. Then God gave me a vision. I hesitate to call it a vision, because I know many people stumble when hearing that word--myself included. But it wasn't really a dream, either, but it came to me when I was lying in bed in a half-lucid state, so I'm not sure what else to call it.

I was in the middle of a vast body of water with both of my girls, ages 3 and 6 at the time. No life jackets, no boats in sight, and nothing to hold on to. Swimming to shore would require extraordinary effort, and at the moment, it was everything I could do to just breathe. The water lapped into my mouth and nose. I was surely going to drown, and my girls were, too. I kept trying to make sure my precious daughters were above water, but every time I lifted them up, I began to drown myself. Every time I came up for air, my children went under the surface. I couldn't keep us all above water.

I cried out to the Lord to save me, "God! Help me!" I coughed water up. Soon, a Coast Guard boat came along beside us. All three of us were scooped up out of the water. It was Jesus. He looked at us lovingly and hugged each of us. He wrapped us in fluffy, white terry-cloth robes and reassured us everything would now be okay. He cupped my cheek in His hand, and I looked into His eyes. He looked at me the way every girl dreams of being looked at, and in that moment, I knew love.

I sat on the bench that lined the side of the boat, with my girls on either side of me. Jesus stood above us, protecting us, guarding us from what else may come from that water. Then my husband pulled up along side of us in a boat.

"Come on, Lindsey!" He motioned for us to get in his boat. I stood up to go. But then I stopped, and I looked at Jesus. He said not a word, and He stepped aside. He looked at me again with nothing but love. Indecision gripped me as I looked back and forth at my husband and Jesus. Impatience bubbled up inside of my husband. He huffed.

Feebly, a hoarse "no" escaped my lips.

"No?" my husband questioned. "What do you mean, 'No'?"

"If you want to be with the girls and me, you will have to get into this boat. We aren't coming without Jesus," I managed to blurt out.

"Get in the boat, Lindsey," he demanded. "Girls, let's go," he turned to the girls.

My hands rested on their shoulders, and they didn't move. I looked at Jesus, and He smiled. "You'll have to come to our boat," I repeated to my husband, this time with confidence.

"Have it your way," he scoffed. Then he turned around, threw the throttle forward and sped off in his boat.

I stood there watching his boat become smaller and smaller in the distance, with the wake of destruction that followed. Tears streamed down my face, and I collapsed into Jesus' arms.

"He didn't reject you, Lindsey, he rejected Me," Jesus comforted me.

After that vision (or dream, whatever you want to call it), I knew that my husband was not rejecting me, but the God Who lived inside of me. I no longer had to feel the shame and dejection of being left and deserted. Jesus took that from me on the cross.

Jesus said, "Come to me all who are weary, and I will give you rest." That's what I did that day, I was so weary, and all I had to do was come to Jesus, stay in His boat, let Him give me rest, and let Him drive the boat.


  1. Thank you for sharing your journey! You have a great way of bring you visions to life through words. It is tragic ending for you and your EX. And even more tragic that your Ex chose himself (the world) over his family and savior. Blessings!

    1 Corinthians 7:15 "But if the unbelieving partner leaves, let him go. In such cases the brother or sister is not under obligation. God has called you to live in peace."


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Jesus Would Advocate for Civil Disobedience

In March, executive orders from governors across the country forced us to stay home, to close schools and churches and to shut down private businesses. Businesses were classified as either "essential" or "non-essential." All businesses deemed "non-essential" were forced to close. This included markets, clothing stores, boutiques, dine-in restaurants, and beauty salons. State parks, city parks, beaches, walking trails, lakes, and other wide open spaces were closed as well.

Many people feel that the "social distancing," as it has come to be known, and stay at home executive orders violate their constitutional rights, such as our first amendment right to freely exercise our religion, our right to peaceably assemble, and that we shall not be deprived of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Some of the people who feel their rights have been violated have decided to exercise their First Amendment right to protest. Some have even chosen to defy…

Covert Red Flags: The Real Things You Should Be Looking Out For in Relationships

Your relationship with your spouse should be the closest human relationship you ever have. As we are dating, we are assessing whether or not that person could potentially fit into our inner circle. This causes us to be on high alert for red flags. Most red flags are obvious--lack of communication, anger issues, irresponsibility, controlling behavior, abuse, etc. A quick Google search will bring up list upon list of red flags we should look out for. Being rude to waitstaff, not making your relationship public, not caring about XYZ, stone walling, gaslighting, and more can all be found on most lists.

But what about the covert red flags? Those things that are less obvious. My first marriage taught me to look out for the overt red flags like the ones found in every advice column. My second marriage taught me to look out for covert red flags, ones that I never even realized were red flags until I could look back. The entire time we dated, I kept looking for the overt red flags, and there …

Because of Who I Am

Someone posted on Facebook the other day the following:
Why would you fight for someone who clearly doesn't want you? Please let them go. You are valuable, just not to them. I thought about it for a minute, because I indeed fought for my husband when he clearly didn't want me. I fought for our marriage, even when he had zero interest in making our marriage work. He had already checked out and told me point-blank that he just didn't want to work on our marriage, but yet I fought on my knees before the Lord.

Throughout the first few months of our separation, I prayed day-in and day-out. I beseeched the Lord to intercede. I rebuked Satan, and I prostrated myself before the Lord God Almighty. I went to therapy, and I watched sermons online. I listened to every Jimmy Evans podcast I could find. I journaled and devoured God's Word. I wrote my husband scriptures and prayers daily. I soon filled a 100-page journal front and back.

Shortly after he left in June, God told me tha…