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He Didn't Reject Me; He Rejected the God Inside of Me




After my husband left me in 2013, I spent a lot of time in prayer and supplication to the Lord. I wanted to know if I was making a mistake by divorcing him. I wanted clarity that I wasn't sinning by getting a divorce. Then God gave me a vision. I hesitate to call it a vision, because I know many people stumble when hearing that word--myself included. But it wasn't really a dream, either, but it came to me when I was lying in bed in a half-lucid state, so I'm not sure what else to call it.

I was in the middle of a vast body of water with both of my girls, ages 3 and 6 at the time. No life jackets, no boats in sight, and nothing to hold on to. Swimming to shore would require extraordinary effort, and at the moment, it was everything I could do to just breathe. The water lapped into my mouth and nose. I was surely going to drown, and my girls were, too. I kept trying to make sure my precious daughters were above water, but every time I lifted them up, I began to drown myself. Every time I came up for air, my children went under the surface. I couldn't keep us all above water.

I cried out to the Lord to save me, "God! Help me!" I coughed water up. Soon, a Coast Guard boat came along beside us. All three of us were scooped up out of the water. It was Jesus. He looked at us lovingly and hugged each of us. He wrapped us in fluffy, white terry-cloth robes and reassured us everything would now be okay. He cupped my cheek in His hand, and I looked into His eyes. He looked at me the way every girl dreams of being looked at, and in that moment, I knew love.

I sat on the bench that lined the side of the boat, with my girls on either side of me. Jesus stood above us, protecting us, guarding us from what else may come from that water. Then my husband pulled up along side of us in a boat.

"Come on, Lindsey!" He motioned for us to get in his boat. I stood up to go. But then I stopped, and I looked at Jesus. He said not a word, and He stepped aside. He looked at me again with nothing but love. Indecision gripped me as I looked back and forth at my husband and Jesus. Impatience bubbled up inside of my husband. He huffed.

Feebly, a hoarse "no" escaped my lips.

"No?" my husband questioned. "What do you mean, 'No'?"

"If you want to be with the girls and me, you will have to get into this boat. We aren't coming without Jesus," I managed to blurt out.

"Get in the boat, Lindsey," he demanded. "Girls, let's go," he turned to the girls.

My hands rested on their shoulders, and they didn't move. I looked at Jesus, and He smiled. "You'll have to come to our boat," I repeated to my husband, this time with confidence.

"Have it your way," he scoffed. Then he turned around, threw the throttle forward and sped off in his boat.

I stood there watching his boat become smaller and smaller in the distance, with the wake of destruction that followed. Tears streamed down my face, and I collapsed into Jesus' arms.

"He didn't reject you, Lindsey, he rejected Me," Jesus comforted me.

After that vision (or dream, whatever you want to call it), I knew that my husband was not rejecting me, but the God Who lived inside of me. I no longer had to feel the shame and dejection of being left and deserted. Jesus took that from me on the cross.

Jesus said, "Come to me all who are weary, and I will give you rest." That's what I did that day, I was so weary, and all I had to do was come to Jesus, stay in His boat, let Him give me rest, and let Him drive the boat.



Comments

  1. Thank you for sharing your journey! You have a great way of bring you visions to life through words. It is tragic ending for you and your EX. And even more tragic that your Ex chose himself (the world) over his family and savior. Blessings!

    1 Corinthians 7:15 "But if the unbelieving partner leaves, let him go. In such cases the brother or sister is not under obligation. God has called you to live in peace."

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