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He Was Always Going To Leave



He was always going to leave. It was just a matter of when he was going to leave.

When entering a marriage, or any relationship, really, you don't stop to think of definitions. You're caught up in the moment--the heightened emotions, the thought of everlasting love. When we say we love someone, we know what we mean when we say certain words and phrases, and we make the mistake of assuming the other person means the same thing we do. But for many, their definition of love, marriage and forever are much different than that of their spouse.

When I entered both of my marriages, my definition of love was a choice. I choose to wake up every day and put that other person's needs above my own. My definition of marriage was a covenant. I give 100 percent of myself to you, and you give 100 percent of yourself to me. My definition of forever was a life-long commitment no matter what. I am not basing my love on feelings, but rather a commitment to you forever.

When only one partner has these definitions, it's a recipe for divorce. Only when both partners can agree on their definitions, will they be able to weather the storms of life. Love and marriage is hard, and there will be times when it will seem so much easier to throw in the towel and go your separate ways. But that's not love, and that's not marriage.

And that's why he left--because he didn't agree that love is a choice. He didn't agree that marriage is a covenant, and he didn't agree that forever means a commitment. When someone doesn't see love and marriage like this, it wasn't a matter of if they would leave, it was just a matter of when.


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